You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
