your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
