god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
