I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
