I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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