So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
