Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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