Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
