Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
