i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
