I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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