I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
