it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
