Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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