also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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