just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
