Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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