im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
