guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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