bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
