Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
