i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
