yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
