ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sext me about skeletons
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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