how can u be prego again
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
