i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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