at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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