If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
