Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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