Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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