??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
