Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
