I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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