You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
