So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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