I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
