That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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