I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
