God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
