I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
