Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
