i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
