You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
