I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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