I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
