We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
