i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
