i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We smell like vodka and hangover
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