one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
