Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
