that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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